Drunk Doctor

I got a bad ear infection. 
I asked the Drunken Doctor why and he said,
"You got infected mainly because you're full of shit!"

I told the Drunk Doctor that I thought I was growing Whiskers.
He asked if I had ice for the Whiskey.

I told him I had a CRAMP and PAIN and the Drunk Doctor said,
"That Champaigne better be chilled!"

And guy came in and said he was SHOT!
The Drunk Doctor said, "Make that a DOUBLE SHOT for me baby!"

A woman came in with a bad cut and the Drunk Doctor told me,
"It's just BLOODY MARY. And I don't make much of a CELERY!"

Then a guy came in and said he stepped on something sharp
The Drunk Doctor knew immediately He had a RUSTY NAIL.

Someone was pounding in the office next to the Drunk Doctor and he said it was HARVEY WALLBANGER.

By the way, the nurse in the Drunk Doctor's office is named MARGARITA!

Cinco de Mayo

Happy Cinco De Mayo!
Is this the celebration of Mexican Independence or
is this the day when Drug Cartels kill Five People in every town?
mybad

Tanning Booth Lady

That tanning booth woman accused of taking her 6 year old daughter into the tanning booth is from Nutley, New Jersey.  The team mascot for their high school is the Nutley NUTS!

I think she qualifies as the NEW MASCOT!

Mitt ROMNEY's Dog

Hey. Don't get Mitt Romney MAD at you.

He won't
THROW YOU UNDER THE BUS

He will
PUT YOU ON TOP OF THE CAR!

Play station 2 Die 4

....An angry four-year-old Saudi boy shot and killed his father for refusing to buy him a PlayStation, Saudi media reported on Monday.

The Asharq daily, citing police in the southern Jizan area, said the child, aged four years and seven months, grabbed his father's pistol and shot him in the head.

According to the newspaper, the child had asked his father to buy him a PlayStation and the shooting took place after the man returned home without the desired object.

As he was undressing, the man put the weapon down, which the child then grabbed and fired at him from close range.


Don't let that kid have any ANGRY BIRDS!



..

Hog Shot

A Florida hunter accidentally shot his girlfriend thinking that she was his target -- a wild hog.

Cops said that Brandon man Steven Egan, 52, was hunting from a tent in Flagler County on Saturday when Egan heard a noise that he thought was similar to that of his prey. He took a shot at it, not realizing his significant other wasn't in the tent with him.
The shot sent a .30-caliber rifle bullet through both of 52-year-old Lisa Simmons' legs. Simmons was airlifted to the hospital where she was recovering from surgery on Sunday.
Egan maintained that he fired in the first place because he had seen a real hog just minutes before the accidental shooting, WFTV reported. No charges were filed.

Egan didn't know whether he felt bad that he shot his girlfriend or felt worse because he thought she was a HOG!

At first he claimed he thought he was being attacked by Rosie O'Donnell!

secret service prostitutes

These Secret Service agents involved in the Columbian Sex Scandal should be working on all of our foriegn debt. Do some business in a foriegn land and then say, "What, I owe you money? No! I was drunk!" We could reduce the money we owe other countries in no time. We could really speed it up if we hire that Dominic Strauss Kahn guy! Check this video http://youtu.be/-KerN8zzcTA