Mayor shot

Bel Gardens Mayor Daniel Crespo was shot by his wife!

I'm no DOCTOR PHIL but I think they had marital problems!

He was shot in a GATED COMPLEX.  He was GATED from getting out!

He was arguing with his son and his wife got a gun and shot him!  Ouch!

Have a gun in the house?  Ouch!

Scariest Faces on Earth

Woman on Fire Works

SLEEP NUMBER

Hey!  You know those SLEEP NUMBER BEDS?

Have you seen the commercials?

I have my SLEEP NUMBER!

My SLEEP NUMBER is 


6




6 Glasses of VODKA!

New IPad

IPad sales are flat and APPLE is releaseing a new almost 13 inch IPad.  I can't wait til I can carry around the new 55 Inch IPad TV.

And then a NINE YEAR old girl shot the GUN PUSHER!

OOOPS!  Those who live by the sword, DIE by the UZI!

ERROR!  ERROR!  Maybe the child should be older!  12!  What benefit did the NINE YEAR old get from shooting an UZI?

At least she didn't put the ICE BUCKET on him!
That would have really hurt!  

Ice Bucket Challenge

I am so sorry but I must be the only person who has not taken the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge.

But I did take the Kentucky Fried Chicken BUCKET Challenge.

If someone pours ICE WATER over my head I better be passed out drunk at the super market.

Could you mix a little Vodka in that ice water.

And a Lime

Around 10 AM....

The last Ice Bucket Challenge I had
was in a hotel room and 

I POPPED MY CORK!

Or was it 
I PULLED my PORK

That menu was in a different language

Sorry!

Hip Hop Night Dance Vid

Thank you SELFIE

Thank God for 

THE SELFIE

Now self-involved people don't bug us to take their picture all the time anymore!

Sleepy

Did you ever notice that every other day SLEEPY'S
is having a 
ONE DAY MATRESS SALE !!!


I want to die asleep like my
GRANDFATHER!

Not sceaming in TERROR 
like the passengers in HIS CAR!

I married 
MS. RIGHT!

I just didn't know
her first name was ALWAYS!!!!!!

stand Up 2

I live in a pretty tough part of town.
All of the groceries at my local market have a 
Must STEAL by Date:
 Stamped on them!

Some people are so dumb 
They won't buy 2% milk because they think the bottle is 98% empty.....

My brother is real dumb
He got sick from Smoking Grass
and
Called The Lawn Doctor

Stand up 1

Hockey is sooooo boring!  They don't have a TWO MINUTE WARNING.  
They have a Two HOUR WARNING.  
WARNING!  Two More Hours of HOCKEY!

With girls, I can hold my own!  
Which is what they usually wind up telling me to do!

Is it your Golden Years when you have more TOES than TEETH?

Arthritis is when you are stiff everywhere in your body except WHERE YOU NEED IT THE MOST!  Viagra

This guy had an a really sharp lawyer.  
He had a rape charge reduced to tailgating!
Sorry

Soap Opera Prayer

Mass Killing Network

Have you noticed all of the mass shootings and killings going on?  Tall guys on the internet.  Girls don't like me.  Hate groups like me.  I hate Mondays!  

There could be three mass killings a day now.....  School shootings, Stores, movie theatres, restaurants......  

I think it is time to start a Mass Killing TV Network that just covers these crazy crimes.  You can advertise guns and knives and video games and block buster movies. 

Shows like Duck Dynasty but just called DUCK!

How about Saturday Night Dead!

Not America's Got Talent but America's Got Target!

So You Think You Can Dance is now So You Think You Can Shoot!

How about The Young and The Defenseless!

STOP IT

http://youtu.be/hLUSAE9-MVg

Did it kinda start with paintball?
Let's go have fun and shoot all of our friends!

BMA Jackson

Michael Jackson appearred magically digitally wow on the stage at the Billboard Music Awards.  Great performance and some people in the audience where really into CYBER MCIHAEL .... but some baffled fans next to them were going.... "It's really not REAL!  He's really not there!"   And they were not dancing in their seats.

Cool but Are you super into Cyber Reality?

Future Funky.... No stars DIE!  NEVER!

Credit

Hey, I was watching this show with Donald Sterling and the host said, "You have to give the guy a lot of Credit...."

I thought, "What am I Mastercard?  Visa?  American Express?  Chase Bank?

I don't have to give the guy any credit!

The guy is rich....doesn't need any credit.

Talk about killing the deal

CLAY AIKEN who was in a tight 300 vote lead election recount in a South Carolina Congressional district,  all of a sudden had his competitor Kieth Crisco die after falling at his home.  Either Clay pushed him or he literally slipped on Crisco Oil!  and DIED!!!!!!!!  Lesson!  Rubin Studdard lucky to be alive after beating CLAY on IDOL!

Gay NFL

Michael Sam became the first openly gay player to be drafted in the National Football League.  He hugged and kissed his boyfriend.
Michael Sam is the first NFL player never to have been with a woman or as TIM TEBOW said, 
"Been There!"

Security

I feel really secure

I have ADT

Wait! No I have ADD

And I'm having trouble Concentrating Securely at All.....

Pistorius Problem

ELLEN OSCAR MISTAKE

BRADLEY COOPER took the SELFIE that ELLEN Tweeted at The Acadamy Awards Show.

The person who takes the picture literally owns the photo.

ELLEN Tweeted it without BRADLEY'S permission which is illegal and he can now file copyright charges.   

Puting BRADLEY is in a position that no man has been in for a long time... 

MR COOPER may now Screw ELLEN!

Zimmerman VS. DMX

What R the ODDS 

And How much would we Pay Per View

IF

George Zimmerman

WALKED INTO THE RING

AND SHOT 

DMX

POINT BLANK?

Don't Ask TRAVON!