I saw some kind of Drug Commercial on TV and the announcer said,
"Stop taking this drug if you have an Infection, Inflammatory Bowel Disease or if your hair starts looking like Cyndi Lauper's."
Showing posts with label TV. Show all posts
Showing posts with label TV. Show all posts
Sunday, November 19, 2017
Tuesday, April 28, 2015
Friday, December 19, 2014
Glee Finale Molest
It is the final season of the hit show
GLEE
Stephen Collins
wanted to be on the show
BUT
The Girls were TOO OLD for him!
GLEE
Stephen Collins
BUT
The Girls were TOO OLD for him!
Saturday, August 30, 2014
SLEEP NUMBER
Hey! You know those SLEEP NUMBER BEDS?
Have you seen the commercials?
I have my SLEEP NUMBER!
My SLEEP NUMBER is
6
6 Glasses of VODKA!
Have you seen the commercials?
I have my SLEEP NUMBER!
My SLEEP NUMBER is
6
6 Glasses of VODKA!
Wednesday, August 27, 2014
New IPad
IPad sales are flat and APPLE is releaseing a new almost 13 inch IPad. I can't wait til I can carry around the new 55 Inch IPad TV.
And then a NINE YEAR old girl shot the GUN PUSHER!
OOOPS! Those who live by the sword, DIE by the UZI!
ERROR! ERROR! Maybe the child should be older! 12! What benefit did the NINE YEAR old get from shooting an UZI?
At least she didn't put the ICE BUCKET on him!
That would have really hurt!
And then a NINE YEAR old girl shot the GUN PUSHER!
OOOPS! Those who live by the sword, DIE by the UZI!
ERROR! ERROR! Maybe the child should be older! 12! What benefit did the NINE YEAR old get from shooting an UZI?
At least she didn't put the ICE BUCKET on him!
That would have really hurt!
Wednesday, June 11, 2014
Wednesday, March 06, 2013
Hammer Feet and The View
LIFE CHANGING effect on you
WAIT
WAIT
Thursday, January 10, 2013
Young Oscar Noms
Hey
A lot of the OSCAR Nominees are very YOUNG.
MOST OSCAR PARTIES WILL BE AT
CHUCK E CHEESE !!
Indeed, this year sees the youngest-ever nominee for Best Actress in the form of Quvenzhané Wallis, 9, who was all of six years old when she filmed "Beasts of the Southern Wild." True, this year also sees the oldest-ever Best Actress nominee with Emmanuelle Riva, 85, for "Amour," but she's in something of a league of her own as compared to the other three nominees: Naomi Watts, 44; Jessica Chastain, 35; and Jennifer Lawrence, 22.
Notably missing from this list is Oscar veteran Meryl Streep, 63, who's nominated for a Golden Globe this year for her performance in "Hope Springs." Other female Golden Globe nominees this year include such industry seniors as Helen Mirren (for "Hitchcock"), Judi Dench (for "The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel") and Maggie Smith (for "Quartet"), none of whom received Oscar nods.
Meanwhile, at 58, Denzel Washington is this year's oldest nominee for Best Actor, followed closely behind by 55-year-old Daniel Day-Lewis. The other nominees skewed younger with Hugh Jackman, 44; Joaquin Phoenix, 38; and Bradley Cooper, 38, whereas the Golden Globes skewed slightly older with noms for Richard Gere, 63, and Bill Murray, 62.
One notable exception to this phenomenon is in the Best Supporting Actor category, which completely mirrors its Golden Globes counterpart except for one major difference: Robert De Niro got an Oscar nom for his performance in "Silver Linings Playbook," whereas Leonardo DiCaprio got the Golden Globe. (This could be De Niro's revenge for Leo replacing him as director Martin Scorsese's unofficial muse, a sort of 20-years-later variation on the veteran actor terrorizing DiCaprio on screen in "This Boy's Life.")
Anyway, is the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences having some sort of existential crisis? Was bringing in "Ted" funnyman Seth MacFarlane as this year's host just the first step in conjuring a younger, hipper awards show? This could also be seen as something of a betrayal, as the members of the Academy -- notorious for being "elder statesmen" in their own right -- snub their peers. Whatever's truly going on behind the scenes (if anything), it's nice to see Oscar turning back the clock a bit this year.
A lot of the OSCAR Nominees are very YOUNG.
MOST OSCAR PARTIES WILL BE AT
CHUCK E CHEESE !!
Indeed, this year sees the youngest-ever nominee for Best Actress in the form of Quvenzhané Wallis, 9, who was all of six years old when she filmed "Beasts of the Southern Wild." True, this year also sees the oldest-ever Best Actress nominee with Emmanuelle Riva, 85, for "Amour," but she's in something of a league of her own as compared to the other three nominees: Naomi Watts, 44; Jessica Chastain, 35; and Jennifer Lawrence, 22.
Notably missing from this list is Oscar veteran Meryl Streep, 63, who's nominated for a Golden Globe this year for her performance in "Hope Springs." Other female Golden Globe nominees this year include such industry seniors as Helen Mirren (for "Hitchcock"), Judi Dench (for "The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel") and Maggie Smith (for "Quartet"), none of whom received Oscar nods.
Meanwhile, at 58, Denzel Washington is this year's oldest nominee for Best Actor, followed closely behind by 55-year-old Daniel Day-Lewis. The other nominees skewed younger with Hugh Jackman, 44; Joaquin Phoenix, 38; and Bradley Cooper, 38, whereas the Golden Globes skewed slightly older with noms for Richard Gere, 63, and Bill Murray, 62.
One notable exception to this phenomenon is in the Best Supporting Actor category, which completely mirrors its Golden Globes counterpart except for one major difference: Robert De Niro got an Oscar nom for his performance in "Silver Linings Playbook," whereas Leonardo DiCaprio got the Golden Globe. (This could be De Niro's revenge for Leo replacing him as director Martin Scorsese's unofficial muse, a sort of 20-years-later variation on the veteran actor terrorizing DiCaprio on screen in "This Boy's Life.")
Anyway, is the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences having some sort of existential crisis? Was bringing in "Ted" funnyman Seth MacFarlane as this year's host just the first step in conjuring a younger, hipper awards show? This could also be seen as something of a betrayal, as the members of the Academy -- notorious for being "elder statesmen" in their own right -- snub their peers. Whatever's truly going on behind the scenes (if anything), it's nice to see Oscar turning back the clock a bit this year.
Tuesday, August 07, 2012
Shooting Hugging Memory Olympics
The United States won the SHOOTING Gold Medal at the Olympics. Is anyone SURPRISED!
The Event Venues were a School, Movie Theater and Temple.
The athletes at The Games hug each other often in Volleyball and Gymnastics and other sports.
Women hugging each other and Men hugging each another after every point sometimes. I don't think these games are sponsored by chic fil a!
They talked about MUSCLE MEMORY for the athletes at the Olympics.
I'm lucky if my muscles remember when they USED TO exercise!
The Event Venues were a School, Movie Theater and Temple.
The athletes at The Games hug each other often in Volleyball and Gymnastics and other sports.
Women hugging each other and Men hugging each another after every point sometimes. I don't think these games are sponsored by chic fil a!
They talked about MUSCLE MEMORY for the athletes at the Olympics.
I'm lucky if my muscles remember when they USED TO exercise!
Saturday, July 28, 2012
Olympic Opening
I was watching the opening ceremonies of the Olympics in London and it seems like Bob Costas thnnouncer mentions that all of these countries in the Parade of Nations were like either colonies or slave places or prison countries or Bathroom Rest Areas of England.
I'm glad it all worked out for all these countries and The World. All pretty much independent and ready to play Kick-Ass Badmitten with each other.
All that Struggle, Death and War and we wind up playing Ping Pong for Bragging Rights.
Hong Kong had a 99 Year Lease to Britain and never got their security deposit back.
Germany is down in medals and will return to tough East German training techniques. "Tear Down That Wall Mr. Gorbachov" but smack them on their little Booty!
The country of Madagascar is best known for being the title of Animated Movies with some kind of animals in them.
Some counties are so cool their only accomplishment is in Field Hockey. Can you call it Hockey if there is no ice?
And forget about Iran's Nuclear Program to Blow Up Israel. How are they going to do in Women's Field Hockey?
Sierra Leon had only Two entrants and I think one was carrying the others luggage and driving the Limo!
South Africa has a Man/Woman playing and a guy with metal legs.
Keep an EYE on South Africa!
Hey, there's a country called TOGO. I'll have my food TO GO and with EXTRA MSG Please! Hold the TURKEY
I'm glad it all worked out for all these countries and The World. All pretty much independent and ready to play Kick-Ass Badmitten with each other.
All that Struggle, Death and War and we wind up playing Ping Pong for Bragging Rights.
Hong Kong had a 99 Year Lease to Britain and never got their security deposit back.
Germany is down in medals and will return to tough East German training techniques. "Tear Down That Wall Mr. Gorbachov" but smack them on their little Booty!
The country of Madagascar is best known for being the title of Animated Movies with some kind of animals in them.
Some counties are so cool their only accomplishment is in Field Hockey. Can you call it Hockey if there is no ice?
And forget about Iran's Nuclear Program to Blow Up Israel. How are they going to do in Women's Field Hockey?
Sierra Leon had only Two entrants and I think one was carrying the others luggage and driving the Limo!
South Africa has a Man/Woman playing and a guy with metal legs.
Keep an EYE on South Africa!
Hey, there's a country called TOGO. I'll have my food TO GO and with EXTRA MSG Please! Hold the TURKEY
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Chris Brown BREAKING NEWS/CHAIRS
Breaking news on 21 year old Singer Chris Brown.
He's Breaking News, Chairs, Windows and sometimes Noses.
Chris apologized for throwing a chair after an interview on ABC's Good Morning America. He said He was sorry for throwing the chair through the window but RIHANNA just wasn't available!
Chris says his current love Michele E is THE LUCKIEST GIRL ALIVE! Michele says She's lucky TO BE ALIVE!
If GARY COLEMAN was still alive, he could team up with Chris Brown and Charlie Sheen and make a TV show
TWO AND A HALF ABUSIVE MEN
It would be a HIT! And I do mean a HIT!
Someone would be HIT!
He's Breaking News, Chairs, Windows and sometimes Noses.
Chris apologized for throwing a chair after an interview on ABC's Good Morning America. He said He was sorry for throwing the chair through the window but RIHANNA just wasn't available!
Chris says his current love Michele E is THE LUCKIEST GIRL ALIVE! Michele says She's lucky TO BE ALIVE!
If GARY COLEMAN was still alive, he could team up with Chris Brown and Charlie Sheen and make a TV show
TWO AND A HALF ABUSIVE MEN
It would be a HIT! And I do mean a HIT!
Someone would be HIT!
Tuesday, March 01, 2011
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Football Urine
I was watching the football game
and a drug commercial came on and the actor said that
"They have trouble PASSING URINE!".....
I thought
Maybe you have trouble PASSING URINE because
No wants to CATCH IT!!!!!
If you do PASS URINE, make it a FORWARD PASS....
No side-ways LATERALS at The Urinal...
I could understand if they were
Stuffed Up and Constipated
because they had a
TIGHT END!
My Dad used to say at the dinner table....
"Pass the corn, the salt
and a little bit of URINE while your at it....
It was always wet around our dinner table
but we all knew we didn't have
whatever disease they had in that commercial ! ! !
By the way, which way is the REST ROOM?
and a drug commercial came on and the actor said that
"They have trouble PASSING URINE!".....
I thought
Maybe you have trouble PASSING URINE because
No wants to CATCH IT!!!!!
If you do PASS URINE, make it a FORWARD PASS....
No side-ways LATERALS at The Urinal...
I could understand if they were
Stuffed Up and Constipated
because they had a
TIGHT END!
My Dad used to say at the dinner table....
"Pass the corn, the salt
and a little bit of URINE while your at it....
It was always wet around our dinner table
but we all knew we didn't have
whatever disease they had in that commercial ! ! !
By the way, which way is the REST ROOM?
Friday, July 16, 2010
SORCERER'S CELEBRITY APPRENTICE
The Sorcerer's Apprentice is about a SORCERER (NICK CAGE) who tells a APPRENTICE (Jay Baruchel) how to LOOSE ALL HIS MONEY with a BAD BUSINESS MANAGAER.
Jay tells Nick "YOU'RE FIRED"!
Nick Cage pulls a NAOMI CAMPBELL and throws his CELL PHONE at the APPRENTICE, hits him in the head and kills him.
Sorry to ruin the movie for you............................................
BIGGEST LOSER
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8LHsmjW-Wug
Jay tells Nick "YOU'RE FIRED"!
Nick Cage pulls a NAOMI CAMPBELL and throws his CELL PHONE at the APPRENTICE, hits him in the head and kills him.
Sorry to ruin the movie for you............................................
BIGGEST LOSER
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8LHsmjW-Wug
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
LAST AIR BENDER
Hey, is that movie THE LAST AIRBENDER
Really about
The last guy who could blow a fart
out of his EAR?
I hope so
That sounds like a Real GAS!
BIGGEST LOSER BEACH WORKOUT
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8LHsmjW-Wug
Really about
The last guy who could blow a fart
out of his EAR?
I hope so
That sounds like a Real GAS!
BIGGEST LOSER BEACH WORKOUT
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8LHsmjW-Wug
Sunday, July 11, 2010
GLEE TV
So I'm watchin TV and Glee is singing and dancing and America's Got Talent... I got on... and Gordon Ramsey is Cooking and So You Think You Can Dance is dancing.
There's nothing but cooking, singing and dancing on TV at Night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What happened to Killing, fighting and smashing????
Cheating, Robbing and stealing???
Burning, exploding and blasting????
No Charlie's Angels!!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8-Zdm5QC6nQ
RED HAIR MUSIC
There's nothing but cooking, singing and dancing on TV at Night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What happened to Killing, fighting and smashing????
Cheating, Robbing and stealing???
Burning, exploding and blasting????
No Charlie's Angels!!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8-Zdm5QC6nQ
RED HAIR MUSIC
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Larry's Retiring?!?!?!
Hey, Larry King announced he won't be doing his show on CNN anymore to spend more time at home. Did anyone tell his poor wife? Does she know? She's probably like, "Just what I need. This old dude hanging around the house all day. Thanks CNN!" "Hanging up his suspenders! That means his pants will be down all day.... OMG!"
Poor Lady
Poor Lady
Thursday, May 31, 2007
LINDSEY ON THE GROUND
POOR Lyndsay Lohan .... She's my KIND A GIRL...
PASSED OUT!!!!!
It's so much easier that way...don't have to take her to a movie or
dinner at The Palm. Just PASSED OUT.
Go into the restaurant, "We don't need a table....
She'll just lay here on the floor."
Not much of a dancer when they're PASSED OUT...
Mainly slow dances but when you're done,
you don't have to find a chair!
She just lays on the floor. "Don't step on her!"
Dating is so much better that way...
AND no worry about A PARKING SPOT...
She just runs the car into a tree
and the VALET TOW TRUCK takes it away...
SOOOO COOOOOL...................
I LOVE HER
PASSED OUT!!!!!
It's so much easier that way...don't have to take her to a movie or
dinner at The Palm. Just PASSED OUT.
Go into the restaurant, "We don't need a table....
She'll just lay here on the floor."
Not much of a dancer when they're PASSED OUT...
Mainly slow dances but when you're done,
you don't have to find a chair!
She just lays on the floor. "Don't step on her!"
Dating is so much better that way...
AND no worry about A PARKING SPOT...
She just runs the car into a tree
and the VALET TOW TRUCK takes it away...
SOOOO COOOOOL...................
I LOVE HER
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