Tebow Out

Peyton Manning is in Denver talking with John Elway about Peyton replacing Tim Tebow as the number one quarterback in Denver.

I think Tim better get down on BOTH knees.  I think his call to God just got DROPPED.

Same Sex Fighting

They a fighting over same-sex mariage in Maine.
Hey, let them get married first, then they can fight all they want!

There was a shooting in an Oklahoma Courthouse today.
You litterally ask yourself, "Wae this the shooting from the day before?"
Or  "Which school are they locking down now?  Is that the same one as two days ago?"  This all has to slow down!

Gingrich Wife Simpsons

Does Newt Gingrich's wife

 resemble Mr. Burns of The Simpson's?

Just A Little?

Bullying

Dharun Ravi, the kid who web cam'ed Tyler Clementi who killed himself because the he was web cam'ed having gay sex at Rutgers University will probably go to prison and wind up having gay sex like he was going to laugh at Tyler having in his room.
Wow    Anal Karma   What goes around comes around and gets you right up the rear end!
And some big gang members will be laughing at him

Super Tuesday Putin

Russia Elections: Putin Wins, Critics Plan Protests
Putin plans swim across river with no shirt on!
Is that guy on steroids?  Or did he just hit his head somewhere?

Rick Santorum Defends Birth Control Position
You can control births by some Sex Position!


China Lead Pollution Reportedly Poisons Over 100 Children
They said those kids were "Lead Pollution Testers"

Romney's Washington Win Tightens Screws On Santorum
I thought Rick Santorum did not like anything dealing with Two Guys Screwing!

Catholic Cardinal Calls For 'Freedom Of Religion Battle'
98% of Catholic Woman say, "Whatever!"

America’s Most Fuel Efficient Cars
Are Parked!

Investigation: Saints Ran Bounty Program Rewarding Hits
The Saints Don't sound like Saints!

Kathryn Bigelow's Bin Laden Movie Running Into Trouble
What? Bin Laden didn't show up!

Craigslist Used To Find Dogs For Sex
And the yucky thing is that they were not just talking about unattractive people!

Drunk Zamboni Driver Busted For DUI
They suspected something when he tried to turn the entire ice rink into a giant Margarita!

CVS Accidentally Gives Kids Breast Cancer Medication Instead Of Fluoride Pills
The boys now have Large Breasts and plenty of cavities!

snooki prego

I didn't know they bred in captivity.
New Show
Baby Shore!

Crimefighter Miami

Miami valedictorian could be deported
He is just too smart for the Miami area!

Puppy wandering streets becomes top K-9 crime fighter
It worked out really well since they cut the police force by 50%. 
There's just A Dog walking around with a hat!

Community Infuriated by Serial Killer Tour
If you are a hooker in Long Island, try to take a long vacation!

Resolution Urges 'Personhood' Rights For Sperm'
How would you like to bring that up on the first date
Maybe Christian Mingle dot com
Where they Mingle Until HE Tingles

Mechanic Can Give Thumbs Up With His Toe
I don't know if that is actually considered a "Thumbs Up"
The good news
He can "Hitch-Hike" when wearing sandals!

Robots Can Apply For Driver's Licenses In Nevada
I had a Robot drive me once.
It was really my wife
Hung Over and at the wrong Time of the Month!!







.

Rush Bomb

So Rush Limbaugh had a bomb threat.
He called a woman bad names and is trouble.
Things are going The President's way.
The Republican Senator from Maine is giving up her seat.
Birth Control issues resolving.
The Stock Market is higher than 2008.
Unemployment is dropping.
Home prices are rising.
Detroit bailed out.
Osama dead.
Kadafi no more.
Republicans confused.  Chasing tail in a circle.
North Korea just gave up Nuke Threat.

Dead Monkee

Davy Jones of The Monkees died.  Hey, Hey a Dead Monkee.  People thought he Monkeed around.  He was too busy playin...  Too put anybody down

And it came out that Tiger Woods wanted to be a Navy Seal if not a Pro Golfer.
Problem was The Navy Seals didn't have enough LADIES in it.

The Leader of The Texas 7 Prison-Break Gang was put to death today.
Oh, by the way, they go by the name of The Texas 6 That Didn't-Really-Break-out-of-prison Gang now.

And what's with this Danica Patrick?  Has she ever won a race?  Is she just one big walking Go Daddy dot com advertisment?  She crashed in the second lap this time.  This morning she crashed leaving her garage.  We might have to check her license!

Rick Santorum Conservative

Rick Santorum is so conservative he won't GO DOWN in an ELEVATOR

Rick Santorum is so conservative he let a UPS Guy hand him HIS PACKAGE

Celebrities Distorted

Whitney Houston

Poor Whitney

Hope that Conrad Murray wasn't around her!

Life Expectancy

This is a calculator that estimates your life expectancy. It's pretty cool.



It was developed by Northwestern Mutual Life.

It's interesting that there are only 13 questions.

Yet, they believe they can predict how long you're likely to live.



http://media.nmfn.com/tnetwork/lifespan

Mitt, Newt and Steven Tyler

I think Mitt Romney should be running for the President of Switzerland!

Mitt Great-Grandfather, Miles Parker Romney, had too many wives and moved them to Mexico.

Mitt Romney has too many dollars and moved them to Switzerlan and The Caymen Islands!

And Newt Gingrich was a lobbyist with ethics violations who cheated on his wives.

And don't mess with his wife Callista.....

She will cut you man.... with her hair!

Hey, don't worry Republicans,

I heard that Steven Tyler will be ready to jump into the race right after he's fitted for his Wonder Bra.

Dude looks like a lady!

AND WORKERS

At work you can hold up this picture and yell out loud,

"Steven Tyler has bigger boobs than......" (stop and pause)

One girl, some girl will definitly yell out, "Me!"  

Girls know.  They just know.

John Edward's Girlfriends Box

Ex Presidential candidate John Edwards who had an affair and a love-child with another woman while his wife was dying of cancer, has major heart problems.
Doctors are having a hard time FINDING one in him!

They say his illness is LIFE Threatening.  How about when ELIZABETH found out about the other woman?
Now that probably got near LIFE Threatening.  She probably slapped him so hard!

Also
A man in England was so bored with his fiance that he put her in a computer box and tried to
bury her alive.
He proved the old Proverb: 
Girls!
Can't live with them.....
and Can't keep them buried alive in a computer box!

Tim Tebow & Katy Perry

Katy Perry may start dating Tim Tebow according to Evangelical TMZ.

He is a Christian.  She was a big Christian singing star.  Her parents are Ministers.

I heard GOD made the fix on that whole Russel and Katy marraige thingy.


Russel was Hot and Cold and Drunk and Stoned and addicted to sex like an E.T. (Eternal Teenager)

And I also heard that when Tim Tebow Kissed A Girl it was his Mother!

Katy had a Teenage Dream that Tim would fall for a California Gurl.


He's a  Firework.


And Maybe one day she'll be Waking Up In Vegas with a BRONCO.

A match made in Heaven.

Kim jong il

North Korean Leader Kim jong il died.

He is no longer IL.

He is DEAD!

Best Quote:  I'm five foot three but nobody
F*****   with me!

SAAB out of business

Swedish automaker SAAB filed for bankruptcy today.

I dated a girl from Sweden

Everytime I rubbed her VOLVO...


She would SAAB..........................

TRUMP OUT

Donald Trump announced that he would not be holding the Presidential debate that only two candidates were going to show up.
Trump said, "I don't want to waist Newt's time and Rick Santorum's time and Donald Trump's time."

How about

WAISTING OUR TIME... DONNY BOY!
It never crossed his combed-over mind.....

MOVIES ARE DOWN

Movie viewership in theatres in the US is down for the second week in a row to levels of the day after the 9-11 attacks.  I have a really big friend who goes to movies alot because the popcorn machine is bigger than his house.  I think they even count him as TWO People.

Maybe people don't like sitting in a dark room next to people who are not FACEBOOK Freinds.

The last movie I saw was rated TWO THUMBS DOWN.
The review said, "Even two really big Viagaras could not make those THUMBS GO UP!"