SONY Korea

HEY SONY

What if North Korea made a movie about killing Seth Rogan and James Franco and throw in George Clooney and a racist Sony Vice President for good measure?

HEY SONY

You made a movie about KILLING someone who is alive and REAL! 

Hello!  No matter how CRAZY he is...... 

I would be pissed if you made a movie about KILLING SOMEONE I KNOW or ME!

It's called FANTASY Hollywood!

Try It.......................................

Glee Finale Molest

It is the final season of the hit show

GLEE

Stephen Collins

wanted to be on the show

BUT

The Girls were TOO OLD for him!

Pope Dogs Cats Hell

Pope Francis said yesterday that Dogs go to Heaven.

What about CATS?

Just cause My Cat

http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjj8r5xkIMgtEQ5DvQRLQ77zrKZvVmiSo

Scratched my Eye out this morning when I was petting him does not mean that he should go to Hell.

That is why God created


PUURRRRRRRRGATORY!

Drunk School

Robin Williams NOT DEAD

The Great Robin Williams Hung Himself in Paradise Cay, California in Early November.  He is now, almost a month later, in the movie "Night At The Museum 2".  Just proving the point that

Great Talent Does Not Die

They just don't show up for work the next day!

The Great Robin Williams!

BOY George BABY

I THINK

SAM SMITH

IS

BOY GEORGES

BABY!!!!!!!!!!

Ebola Bowling

The Doctor who caught Ebola in Africa came to New York and went Bowling in Williamsburg Brooklyn.  

You have Ebola and go Bowling!?

By the way,

You can not get Ebola from A Bowling Ball.

The Italian Owner of the Bowling Alley said that  "E Bowl A pretty good!"

Ebola New York

Doctor's Without BORDERS!!!!!

How About


Doctor's Without EBOLA!!!!!!!

New York City

Jersey Boyz

Hey, The Ohio State just kicked The New Jersey State... Rutgers Asses.  Watch out Big 12.... 

We're gonna send Chris Christie there to eat 
ALL YOUR FOOD!  

We might even send The Sayreville Football team to HAZE YOU, if we get mad!  

They stick their DIGITS into THINGS!

Ebola Week

Big TV Network News...    Shark Week has now been replaced by EBOLA WEEK!  
Stay out of The WEST AFRICA
-----------------------------


Number one Halloween outfit this year!  
The Sexy HAZMAT OUTFIT.

 
Make sure yours has the clear visor and battery pack. 
----------------



TV commercial for SHINGLES showed a guy's back with SHINGLES!

Now I don't know if I want EBOLA or SHINGLES!  
YUK!

Ebola Cola

Soft Drink companies are taking advantage of the Ebola Virus Outbreak.  

They have some exciting New Soft Drink flavors like, Mucus, Blood, Urine, Saliva, Feces, Vomit, Breast Milk 
and Brand New....... Semen!

Diet and Sugar Free  
Limited to 32 Ounces in New York City

Let's call it a:

"LOST My ENERGY Drink"

New iPhone

I am soooo in love with my new iPhone.

I fell down yesterday and I heard a CRACK!

I was really hoping it was MY LEG!

Mayor shot

Bel Gardens Mayor Daniel Crespo was shot by his wife!

I'm no DOCTOR PHIL but I think they had marital problems!

He was shot in a GATED COMPLEX.  He was GATED from getting out!

He was arguing with his son and his wife got a gun and shot him!  Ouch!

Have a gun in the house?  Ouch!

Scariest Faces on Earth

Woman on Fire Works

SLEEP NUMBER

Hey!  You know those SLEEP NUMBER BEDS?

Have you seen the commercials?

I have my SLEEP NUMBER!

My SLEEP NUMBER is 


6




6 Glasses of VODKA!

New IPad

IPad sales are flat and APPLE is releaseing a new almost 13 inch IPad.  I can't wait til I can carry around the new 55 Inch IPad TV.

And then a NINE YEAR old girl shot the GUN PUSHER!

OOOPS!  Those who live by the sword, DIE by the UZI!

ERROR!  ERROR!  Maybe the child should be older!  12!  What benefit did the NINE YEAR old get from shooting an UZI?

At least she didn't put the ICE BUCKET on him!
That would have really hurt!  

Ice Bucket Challenge

I am so sorry but I must be the only person who has not taken the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge.

But I did take the Kentucky Fried Chicken BUCKET Challenge.

If someone pours ICE WATER over my head I better be passed out drunk at the super market.

Could you mix a little Vodka in that ice water.

And a Lime

Around 10 AM....

The last Ice Bucket Challenge I had
was in a hotel room and 

I POPPED MY CORK!

Or was it 
I PULLED my PORK

That menu was in a different language

Sorry!

Hip Hop Night Dance Vid

Thank you SELFIE

Thank God for 

THE SELFIE

Now self-involved people don't bug us to take their picture all the time anymore!

Sleepy

Did you ever notice that every other day SLEEPY'S
is having a 
ONE DAY MATRESS SALE !!!


I want to die asleep like my
GRANDFATHER!

Not sceaming in TERROR 
like the passengers in HIS CAR!

I married 
MS. RIGHT!

I just didn't know
her first name was ALWAYS!!!!!!

stand Up 2

I live in a pretty tough part of town.
All of the groceries at my local market have a 
Must STEAL by Date:
 Stamped on them!

Some people are so dumb 
They won't buy 2% milk because they think the bottle is 98% empty.....

My brother is real dumb
He got sick from Smoking Grass
and
Called The Lawn Doctor

Stand up 1

Hockey is sooooo boring!  They don't have a TWO MINUTE WARNING.  
They have a Two HOUR WARNING.  
WARNING!  Two More Hours of HOCKEY!

With girls, I can hold my own!  
Which is what they usually wind up telling me to do!

Is it your Golden Years when you have more TOES than TEETH?

Arthritis is when you are stiff everywhere in your body except WHERE YOU NEED IT THE MOST!  Viagra

This guy had an a really sharp lawyer.  
He had a rape charge reduced to tailgating!
Sorry

Soap Opera Prayer

Mass Killing Network

Have you noticed all of the mass shootings and killings going on?  Tall guys on the internet.  Girls don't like me.  Hate groups like me.  I hate Mondays!  

There could be three mass killings a day now.....  School shootings, Stores, movie theatres, restaurants......  

I think it is time to start a Mass Killing TV Network that just covers these crazy crimes.  You can advertise guns and knives and video games and block buster movies. 

Shows like Duck Dynasty but just called DUCK!

How about Saturday Night Dead!

Not America's Got Talent but America's Got Target!

So You Think You Can Dance is now So You Think You Can Shoot!

How about The Young and The Defenseless!

STOP IT

http://youtu.be/hLUSAE9-MVg

Did it kinda start with paintball?
Let's go have fun and shoot all of our friends!

BMA Jackson

Michael Jackson appearred magically digitally wow on the stage at the Billboard Music Awards.  Great performance and some people in the audience where really into CYBER MCIHAEL .... but some baffled fans next to them were going.... "It's really not REAL!  He's really not there!"   And they were not dancing in their seats.

Cool but Are you super into Cyber Reality?

Future Funky.... No stars DIE!  NEVER!

Credit

Hey, I was watching this show with Donald Sterling and the host said, "You have to give the guy a lot of Credit...."

I thought, "What am I Mastercard?  Visa?  American Express?  Chase Bank?

I don't have to give the guy any credit!

The guy is rich....doesn't need any credit.

Talk about killing the deal

CLAY AIKEN who was in a tight 300 vote lead election recount in a South Carolina Congressional district,  all of a sudden had his competitor Kieth Crisco die after falling at his home.  Either Clay pushed him or he literally slipped on Crisco Oil!  and DIED!!!!!!!!  Lesson!  Rubin Studdard lucky to be alive after beating CLAY on IDOL!

Gay NFL

Michael Sam became the first openly gay player to be drafted in the National Football League.  He hugged and kissed his boyfriend.
Michael Sam is the first NFL player never to have been with a woman or as TIM TEBOW said, 
"Been There!"

Security

I feel really secure

I have ADT

Wait! No I have ADD

And I'm having trouble Concentrating Securely at All.....

Pistorius Problem

ELLEN OSCAR MISTAKE

BRADLEY COOPER took the SELFIE that ELLEN Tweeted at The Acadamy Awards Show.

The person who takes the picture literally owns the photo.

ELLEN Tweeted it without BRADLEY'S permission which is illegal and he can now file copyright charges.   

Puting BRADLEY is in a position that no man has been in for a long time... 

MR COOPER may now Screw ELLEN!

Zimmerman VS. DMX

What R the ODDS 

And How much would we Pay Per View

IF

George Zimmerman

WALKED INTO THE RING

AND SHOT 

DMX

POINT BLANK?

Don't Ask TRAVON!

Bieber Arrest New Job

Justin Bieber was arrested by police today for Driving while Intoxicated.  

He was drinking, smoking pot and doing perscription drugs while drag racing.  Biebs is a Canadian and he may be deported or not let back into the USA if he leaves.





He would then be eligibke for his new job as 

TORONTO MAYOR 
ROB FORD'S Personal Driver

Gay Pot Marraige

Gay Marraige and Marijuana are being legalized all over the country.

Leviticus said in the Bible, " If a man lay with another man, he should be stoned!"

Legally, I think it's all working out!

I wonder what kind of rolling papers Leviticus used?

Pissed

Hey



If you're      PISSED

Wear a       DIAPER!!!!

Holiday Food

Ate soooo much over the Holidays

I had like 5 HAMS and 2 BIG BIRDS

I Felt like the WOLF in a KIDS Fairytale!