-or-
Number 2....Having a Cat drive him to McDonalds
Buying a PANTS SUIT Factory
As far as I'm concerned,
the MAJOR MISTAKE was
She kept her BRA and SWEATER on
for far too long
Monday, February 18, 2013
Clinton, Dog Gone, Topless Robber
-or-
Number 2....Having a Cat drive him to McDonalds
Buying a PANTS SUIT Factory
As far as I'm concerned,
the MAJOR MISTAKE was
She kept her BRA and SWEATER on
for far too long
Saturday, February 16, 2013
Pistorius Valentine Phillips
He thought those GLASSES could SEE through her CLOTHES!
You should see how 'NUMB' his GIRLFRIEND is!
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Drew, Jenny and Strip
HITCH-HIKE home!
The Strip Club told her it was part of their
NEW EMPLOYEE WEIGHT-LOSS Program!
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
New Republican Party
They just announced the New Republican Party Ticket
Donald Trump for President
Ted Nuggent for Vice President
and
Rand Paul for the guy that gets everybody TEA.....
Let the Circus begin
The Circus has already begun.........
Donald Trump for President
and
Rand Paul for the guy that gets everybody TEA.....
Let the Circus begin
The Circus has already begun.........
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Pope Update
The Pope had a heart implant 5 years ago.
He had the battery replaced last week.
Did He get one of those
BOING 787 Batteries?
He had the battery replaced last week.
Did He get one of those
BOING 787 Batteries?
New POPE
The Pope is quiting.
Did he walk into God's Office and Quit?
Wonder if he got a buy out... 400 years in heaven, free rides in the POPEMOBILE and health insurance.
He claims He is "Just Too POOPED to POPE."
The only thing he asked for was that BETTY WHITE show up at his RETIREMENT PARTY
I mean OMG.......REALLY!
And he was a SHOE salesman.... Maybe she said her shoes were TOO TIGHT! He said, "I could fix that!"
Did he walk into God's Office and Quit?
Wonder if he got a buy out... 400 years in heaven, free rides in the POPEMOBILE and health insurance.
He claims He is "Just Too POOPED to POPE."
The only thing he asked for was that BETTY WHITE show up at his RETIREMENT PARTY
I mean OMG.......REALLY!
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Casey Anthony Legal
Friday, January 25, 2013
Patraeus TELL ALL
The reasons why General David Patraeus said he Cheated with Paula Broadwell:
His WEE WEE went AWOL
She really knew how to DEPLOY his TROOP
She was like a TERRORIST in BED
They both went to BOOTIE CAMP
She always made his THINGY stand at ATTENTION
Her BOOBIES were TRAPS
She liked the SIZE of his UNIT
She thought he was a Great TAILGUNNER
He got excited when she would AIR STRIP
She liked it when he showed her his WEAPON
Although he was a GENERAL he would DO HER in PRIVATE
His DRONE was LONG but he did not like to Fort BRAGG
And Finally, Women in COMBAT !!! That will make it really EXCITING !!!
And P.S. Tell Manti Te'o
"The Real Ones are TWICE as much TROUBLE!
She really knew how to DEPLOY his TROOP
She was like a TERRORIST in BED
They both went to BOOTIE CAMP
She always made his THINGY stand at ATTENTION
Her BOOBIES were TRAPS
She liked the SIZE of his UNIT
She thought he was a Great TAILGUNNER
He got excited when she would AIR STRIP
She liked it when he showed her his WEAPON
Although he was a GENERAL he would DO HER in PRIVATE
His DRONE was LONG but he did not like to Fort BRAGG
And Finally, Women in COMBAT !!! That will make it really EXCITING !!!
Where do I sign up
And P.S. Tell Manti Te'o
"The Real Ones are TWICE as much TROUBLE!
Saturday, January 19, 2013
Lance Armstrong FIRST!
Do you know when they first suspected Lance Armstrong of using STEROIDS?
When he won the Indianapolis 500!
When he won the Indianapolis 500!
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Hansel and Gretel
Is it not STRANGE that the movie poster for
Hansel and Gretel is a Graffic of a children's book
covered with BULLET HOLES?
Sign of the times I guess and Hollywood has no clue..................................... Motion Pictures
Bullets have the best MOTION. It's called SPIN!
Hansel and Gretel is a Graffic of a children's book
covered with BULLET HOLES?
Sign of the times I guess and Hollywood has no clue..................................... Motion Pictures
Bullets have the best MOTION. It's called SPIN!
Saturday, January 12, 2013
NFL Playoffs
Tim Tebow has a playoff victory for The Denver Broncos.
Peyton Manning does not!!
Is that ODD?
Peyton Manning does not!!
Is that ODD?
Thursday, January 10, 2013
Young Oscar Noms
Hey
A lot of the OSCAR Nominees are very YOUNG.
MOST OSCAR PARTIES WILL BE AT
CHUCK E CHEESE !!
Indeed, this year sees the youngest-ever nominee for Best Actress in the form of Quvenzhané Wallis, 9, who was all of six years old when she filmed "Beasts of the Southern Wild." True, this year also sees the oldest-ever Best Actress nominee with Emmanuelle Riva, 85, for "Amour," but she's in something of a league of her own as compared to the other three nominees: Naomi Watts, 44; Jessica Chastain, 35; and Jennifer Lawrence, 22.
Notably missing from this list is Oscar veteran Meryl Streep, 63, who's nominated for a Golden Globe this year for her performance in "Hope Springs." Other female Golden Globe nominees this year include such industry seniors as Helen Mirren (for "Hitchcock"), Judi Dench (for "The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel") and Maggie Smith (for "Quartet"), none of whom received Oscar nods.
Meanwhile, at 58, Denzel Washington is this year's oldest nominee for Best Actor, followed closely behind by 55-year-old Daniel Day-Lewis. The other nominees skewed younger with Hugh Jackman, 44; Joaquin Phoenix, 38; and Bradley Cooper, 38, whereas the Golden Globes skewed slightly older with noms for Richard Gere, 63, and Bill Murray, 62.
One notable exception to this phenomenon is in the Best Supporting Actor category, which completely mirrors its Golden Globes counterpart except for one major difference: Robert De Niro got an Oscar nom for his performance in "Silver Linings Playbook," whereas Leonardo DiCaprio got the Golden Globe. (This could be De Niro's revenge for Leo replacing him as director Martin Scorsese's unofficial muse, a sort of 20-years-later variation on the veteran actor terrorizing DiCaprio on screen in "This Boy's Life.")
Anyway, is the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences having some sort of existential crisis? Was bringing in "Ted" funnyman Seth MacFarlane as this year's host just the first step in conjuring a younger, hipper awards show? This could also be seen as something of a betrayal, as the members of the Academy -- notorious for being "elder statesmen" in their own right -- snub their peers. Whatever's truly going on behind the scenes (if anything), it's nice to see Oscar turning back the clock a bit this year.
A lot of the OSCAR Nominees are very YOUNG.
MOST OSCAR PARTIES WILL BE AT
CHUCK E CHEESE !!
Indeed, this year sees the youngest-ever nominee for Best Actress in the form of Quvenzhané Wallis, 9, who was all of six years old when she filmed "Beasts of the Southern Wild." True, this year also sees the oldest-ever Best Actress nominee with Emmanuelle Riva, 85, for "Amour," but she's in something of a league of her own as compared to the other three nominees: Naomi Watts, 44; Jessica Chastain, 35; and Jennifer Lawrence, 22.
Notably missing from this list is Oscar veteran Meryl Streep, 63, who's nominated for a Golden Globe this year for her performance in "Hope Springs." Other female Golden Globe nominees this year include such industry seniors as Helen Mirren (for "Hitchcock"), Judi Dench (for "The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel") and Maggie Smith (for "Quartet"), none of whom received Oscar nods.
Meanwhile, at 58, Denzel Washington is this year's oldest nominee for Best Actor, followed closely behind by 55-year-old Daniel Day-Lewis. The other nominees skewed younger with Hugh Jackman, 44; Joaquin Phoenix, 38; and Bradley Cooper, 38, whereas the Golden Globes skewed slightly older with noms for Richard Gere, 63, and Bill Murray, 62.
One notable exception to this phenomenon is in the Best Supporting Actor category, which completely mirrors its Golden Globes counterpart except for one major difference: Robert De Niro got an Oscar nom for his performance in "Silver Linings Playbook," whereas Leonardo DiCaprio got the Golden Globe. (This could be De Niro's revenge for Leo replacing him as director Martin Scorsese's unofficial muse, a sort of 20-years-later variation on the veteran actor terrorizing DiCaprio on screen in "This Boy's Life.")
Anyway, is the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences having some sort of existential crisis? Was bringing in "Ted" funnyman Seth MacFarlane as this year's host just the first step in conjuring a younger, hipper awards show? This could also be seen as something of a betrayal, as the members of the Academy -- notorious for being "elder statesmen" in their own right -- snub their peers. Whatever's truly going on behind the scenes (if anything), it's nice to see Oscar turning back the clock a bit this year.
Friday, December 28, 2012
Fiscal Cliff
Or is it FECAL Cliff? Lawmakers negotiations sound like a bunch of CRAP to me.
Republicans say, "We can't STRESS enough the importance of having NO STRESS!"
Some Senators are not so smart and need
Fiscal Cliff NOTES......
Provided by a TEA PARTY.
Can't see the future or tax the rich.
Republicans say, "We can't STRESS enough the importance of having NO STRESS!"
Some Senators are not so smart and need
Fiscal Cliff NOTES......
Provided by a TEA PARTY.
Can't see the future or tax the rich.
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
Love Hurts
Richard Adams Dead: Gay Marriage Pioneer Dies At Age 65
He was Killed by HIS HUSBAND!
Just Kidding.
What about that 80 year old tennis ref they thought killed her husband with a coffee mug...
Talk about getting MUGGED.
Was it a BACKHAND or FOREHAND Judge?
Was it a BACKHAND or FOREHAND Judge?
No coffee for me...
Love Hurts......:}
Monday, November 12, 2012
Friday, October 19, 2012
Late 4 WORK
Guy shows up late for work.
Boss says, "You should have been here at 8:30!!!!
Guy says, "Why? What happened at 8:30?
Boss says, "You should have been here at 8:30!!!!
Guy says, "Why? What happened at 8:30?
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Honey Boo Boo Trump
Names of Stars released for CELEBRITY APPRENTICE Season.
First thing Donald Trump yelled was,
"What NO HONEY BOO BOO?!?!?!"
Mitt Romney has all his women in a BINDER.
His favorite song is Bruce Springstein's
"BINDED by the LIGHT"
But He says He will not keep HIS DOG in a BINDER.
And no Mr. Romney
Sandra Bullock was not in "The Bind Side".
I don't know what she did with JESSE JAMES in private...
First thing Donald Trump yelled was,
"What NO HONEY BOO BOO?!?!?!"
Mitt Romney has all his women in a BINDER.
His favorite song is Bruce Springstein's
"BINDED by the LIGHT"
But He says He will not keep HIS DOG in a BINDER.
And no Mr. Romney
Sandra Bullock was not in "The Bind Side".
I don't know what she did with JESSE JAMES in private...
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Texting for OLD PEOPLE
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally us long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!
Texting for Seniors as follows:ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friend's Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT - Bring your own teeth
CBM - Covered by Medicare
CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center
DWI - Driving While Incontinent
FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
FYI - Found Your Insulin
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL - Living on Lipitor
OMMR - On My Massage Recliner
ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!
TOT - Texting on Toilet
TTYL - Talk to You Louder
WTP - Where are the Prunes
WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil
Hope these help!GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In
Texting for Seniors as follows:ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friend's Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT - Bring your own teeth
CBM - Covered by Medicare
CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center
DWI - Driving While Incontinent
FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
FYI - Found Your Insulin
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL - Living on Lipitor
OMMR - On My Massage Recliner
ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!
TOT - Texting on Toilet
TTYL - Talk to You Louder
WTP - Where are the Prunes
WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil
Hope these help!GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
JESUS Married
New evidence came out that claims JESUS was married. If JESUS got married, what would you get him for a Wedding Present?
What do you get for the Son of God and his new wife?
Some souls? Planet Earth? A couple of new robes?
How about a new Donkey with GPS? Some water that He could turn into wine for the party?
He is a Carpenter....Maybe a gift card from The Rome Depot!
Another question
Did they meet on Christian Mingle dot Bible?
And if anyone thinks they want to RIOT after this blog, how about just putting a NASTY remark in the COMMENTS SECTION instead.
What do you get for the Son of God and his new wife?
Some souls? Planet Earth? A couple of new robes?
How about a new Donkey with GPS? Some water that He could turn into wine for the party?
He is a Carpenter....Maybe a gift card from The Rome Depot!
Another question
Did they meet on Christian Mingle dot Bible?
And if anyone thinks they want to RIOT after this blog, how about just putting a NASTY remark in the COMMENTS SECTION instead.
Wednesday, September 05, 2012
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