SPIDERMAN BROADWAY

I was late for work today because I went to a Broadway Play last night called SPIDERMAN and a person wearing a latex suit crashed down on top of me!

The last time I went to a Broadway Show, a man dressed as a Cat sat on my lap!

From now on, I think I'll wait until all these shows come out on BLU RAY.............

World Trade Center Reconstuction Update 2011

Check this out
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6DH76KKoa-Y

And then look at this from 2007
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kKC9llSB-HE
Thanks 

 

Football Urine

I was watching the football game


and a drug commercial came on and the actor said that


"They have trouble PASSING URINE!".....


I thought


Maybe you have trouble PASSING URINE because


No wants to CATCH IT!!!!!

If you do PASS URINE, make it a FORWARD PASS....

No side-ways LATERALS at The Urinal...

I could understand if they were


Stuffed Up and Constipated


because they had a


TIGHT END!


My Dad used to say at the dinner table....

"Pass the corn, the salt

and a little bit of URINE while your at it....

It was always wet around our dinner table

but we all knew we didn't have
whatever disease they had in that commercial ! ! !

By the way, which way is the REST ROOM?

Lottery Scratch

They have new SCRATCH OFF LOTTERY GAMES here

They are very educational for the gambler by using letters to form words and you focus on spelling and new words.

WHAT you learn is very simple.........

  You learn that you are a BIG

LIKE I DIDN'T KNOW THAT ALREADY.........................

Christmas Videos times 2

THIS ONE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b4xcA7Pm-Cs


AND        THIS ONE


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=etTKZtSRBu4

HAPPY HAPPY

SQUEAKY

I just found out that Charles Manson follower Lynette "Squeaky" Fromme is out of jail after 30 years!
That crazy killer Squeaky is free! 
WOW...  Hope she goes on MATCH.COM....
Maybe we could hook up.....

Could you imagine dating a girl named SQUEAKY? 
Do you have to feed her cheese?
Would my Christmas Present be EARPLUGS every year?
Do you squirt Olive Oil on her at Salad Bars?
Would the word ANNOYING pop up in my thoughts often?

And she's a killer on top of it!
You can kiss that cockroach problem in the kitchen goodbye.... 

I don't know why more killers just don't work in the PEST CONTROL Business.  Exterminating 60,000 bedbugs seems like it just might dilute some of that  
"I just have to poison somebody today"
aggression. 

PMS DOG

LEARN TO BE FUNNY: LINDSEY ON THE GROUND

LEARN TO BE FUNNY: LINDSEY ON THE GROUND

CHARLIE SHEEN ESCORTS TSA X-RAYS

I JUST FOUND OUT THAT NEW

TSA AIRPORT SCREENINGS ARE

BEING DONE    WOMAN



ON WOMAN........

AND MAN



ON MAN



I THINK THAT CREATES



A LARGE AMOUNT OF JOBS



FOR THE HOMO



SEXUAL COMMUNITY



IN THESE HARD TIMES.










MOST COVETED POSITION!



CHIEF TESTICAL AGENT IS THE



THE TSA'S NEW POLICY IS NOT



    



DON'T ASK   DON'T TELL         BUT



      

 



 







 







YOU CAN TELL ALL YOU WANT......





I'M STILL GETTING

PAID FOR THIS !!!!!!



    



I WAS HOPING



A LADY AGENT WOULD



 









AND MAYBE I MIGHT



PAT ME DOWN ...



  





 



HAVE TO SLIP $10.00 

 


INTO HER



GUN BELT !!





THESE ARE THE TOP SECRET



TSA GOVERNMENT X-RAYS

  

 

THIS GUY TRIED TO SMUGGLE
A KNIFE ON-BOARD !

THIS LADY TRIED TO AVOID
THE BEVERAGE CHARGE !



HERE ARE THE SECRET TSA X-RAYS
 OF CHARLIE SHEEN'S ESCORTS

(PLEASE GROPE)



GRACIE

SABLE

TIFFANY

BRISTOL

AMBER







OH LA LA

PENNY

I NEED A CIGARETTE AFTER THAT !!!!!!!!







DOGS SMARTER THAN CATS

Researchers found that DOGS are SMARTER than CATS.
They gave all this brain-size and socialization information
but everyone knows that
CATS just ACT DUMBER than DOGS

TO GET MORE TREATS

Memory Loss 2

Do you know when memory loss is a real big problem?

When you can't remember where you put your VIAGARA!!!!

Memory Loss

I did Stand Up Comedy at some club downtown, I forget the name.
That was my problem with Stand Up
I couldn't remember the jokes.
I'd say, "Why did the chicken cross the road?"
Everyone would look at me.
And I would say, " No, I really don't remember.  I'm really asking you...
WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD? 
I HOPED maybe one of you might have the ANSWER!"

NEXT JOKE

"Why did the CUE CARD GUY take a BREAK?
No, really....why?"

I wasn't a big hit at the club

BAD CAT........BAD

Susan Boyle Naked

At the airport they asked me if I had any HAZZARDOUS MATERIALS

I told them I did

I had naked pictures of SUSAN BOYLE !!!!!!!!!

CHILE DRILLER

JEFF HART

CHIEF DRILLER

That should get him a date!!!

CONGRATS EVERYBODY

Workout in Times Square

How to BARK like a DOG

World's Biggest Cat (orig.)

GEORGE MICHAEL JAILED

There's GOOD NEWS and BAD NEWS for George Michael.

The BAD NEWS is he was sentenced to 8 WEEKS in JAIL for being on drugs while crashing his car.

The GOOD NEWS for GEORGE is that......... HE gets 8 WEEKS IN JAIL!!!!!!!

He tryed to do it in a Public Restroom in Beverly Hills once.
Jail will be like a resort.

He couldn't have booked a better time if he used the "TRAVELOCITY" section of "CRAIG'S LIST"!

He asked the judge if he could throw on a few EXTRA weeks for REALLY GOOD BEHAVIOR!.

CHILIAN MINERS

The first thing they should send down to the TRAPPED CHILIAN MINERS are SHIRTS!!!

These guys are starting to CREEP ME OUT!!!

                                                              Come on..............

NO SHIRTS, NO SHOES...... NO SAVING!

WE GOT A DRESS CODE UP HERE BOYS !!!!

Just kidding ...Best of Luck guys!

BIGGEST KITTY PALS

Tiger Woods Golf Party

I was playing TIGER WOODS VIDEO GAME GOLF and it was cool but I think they should have you going out after the match with TIGER.  Pickin up the hookers or texting your secret sweetie.
I don't want to play golf so much as I want to PARTY afterwards with TIGER.
Now that's a VIDEO GAME I'll pay BIG money for..........

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4HuetBCgDt0
PAJAMA MAN     FUNNY

BURKA FACE

Today, France voted to BAN the BURKAS called NIQUBS which cover a woman's FACE.

The French Legislature noted one exception and said that only one person must still cover her face with a NIQUB when in France.....














LADY GAGA











BUTTERFACE


One French parlimentarian was quoted as saying,

"In her case, It makes perfect sense !"
"LET'S FACE IT" Video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-wzgrk8lTA