Bieber HOT

It is Soooooooooo HOT!

It is Hotter than Jerry Sandusky tickeling Justin Bieber in a shower after a Penn State Game...

Hot!

China sent the first lady into space.

Her father wanted a boy!

A guy got caught making Meth in the bathroom of a WALMART Store.

It was the only thing in the store made in AMERICA!

Heat Alert Use Mass Transit.

MASS Transit.....Is that how Catholics go back and forth to church?

Palin Mccain Today

Hey
If they did one thing in their career
Sarah Palin and John McCain
 got their KIDS JOBS on TELEVISION!

Lindsay Lohan Question

Lindsay Lohan crashed her Porsche into the back of a dump truck.

The big question is

What the Hell was that Truck doing there??????


Bad Truck Driver!

Lindsay can't think of everything now can she?!?!?

Why was that stupid Truck in front of her? 

She has been so good.  She hasen't been in trouble in like a Month!

I have the car for her...............................

Zombie Apocalypse Advice

A man in Miami happens upon a homeless man on the sidewalk and chews off 75% of his face in an 18-minute attack. The attacker's mother later says her son is not a zombie as portrayed in the media.

Authorities in Canada have launched a massive manhunt for a suspect after a severed hand was sent to Canada's Liberal Party, a foot to the Conservatives and a torso was stuffed in a suitcase and tossed in the trash of the Montreal apartment building where he lived.

A Maryland man admits to killing his housemate, cutting him up, then eating his heart and part of his brain.

A New Jersey man rips his torso open and throws bits of his intestines at police, according to the Bergen Record.


Here's some advice...................

Don't sleep near any SALT and PEPPER shakers.

Elvis Presley did not sing "LOVE ME TENDER-IZED"

If someone asks you out to DINNER make sure YOU are not on the MENU.

Remember Victor is your COUSIN not your CUISINE.

Just because SHE's A CRAB does not mean that you EAT HER.

Don't pick your nose.  And don't pick anyone else's nose or BRAINS or INTESTINES.

Have the Chicken Fingers not the HUMAN FINGERS.

If the waiter brings you ribs.  Make sure they were not surgically removed from THE BUSBOY.
And finally, leave the restaurant immediaetly if Jeffrey Dalmer and Hannibal Lector are dining next to you.

One last question......Does it count if I BITE MY NAILS?

Trump and the Tan Lady

                                 Is Donald Trump starting to look like a RACCOON with those tan lines?
                  We should check his BIRTH CERTIFICATE to make sure he is not related to this lady!

Gaga Sign CEO

Someone threatened to tenderize her meat dress
and that country has a very strict FACE CODE!

I think this sign company might need a few more workers in the creative department!

I want to work at a company where the CEO doesn't really wear a real shirt!

Outlaw Forces

Here's a few things I saw in the news

These are the famous Outlaws Bonnie and Bonnie

Just in time too.  She was about to eat THE KITCHEN!

This guy has a VERY FORCEFUL DENTIST!

Pregnant Man Food Network

Just a Few Items in the News Today

HE GOT TO KEEP HIS UTERUS!

SHE IS NOT A NATURAL BLONDE
AND HER SKIN HAS A MANLY SHINE!
What's the MAJOR Announcement?
 Swallowed a bottle of ZANAX?

Robin Gibb

Hey everybody

Robin Gibb is not STAYIN ALIVE

Sorry  I STARTED TO JOKE

Donna Summers and Robin Gibb, two Disco Icons dead within three days of each other.

LAST DANCE

Thanks for the great tunes YOU TWO !

Drunk Doctor

I got a bad ear infection. 
I asked the Drunken Doctor why and he said,
"You got infected mainly because you're full of shit!"

I told the Drunk Doctor that I thought I was growing Whiskers.
He asked if I had ice for the Whiskey.

I told him I had a CRAMP and PAIN and the Drunk Doctor said,
"That Champaigne better be chilled!"

And guy came in and said he was SHOT!
The Drunk Doctor said, "Make that a DOUBLE SHOT for me baby!"

A woman came in with a bad cut and the Drunk Doctor told me,
"It's just BLOODY MARY. And I don't make much of a CELERY!"

Then a guy came in and said he stepped on something sharp
The Drunk Doctor knew immediately He had a RUSTY NAIL.

Someone was pounding in the office next to the Drunk Doctor and he said it was HARVEY WALLBANGER.

By the way, the nurse in the Drunk Doctor's office is named MARGARITA!

Cinco de Mayo

Happy Cinco De Mayo!
Is this the celebration of Mexican Independence or
is this the day when Drug Cartels kill Five People in every town?
mybad

Tanning Booth Lady

That tanning booth woman accused of taking her 6 year old daughter into the tanning booth is from Nutley, New Jersey.  The team mascot for their high school is the Nutley NUTS!

I think she qualifies as the NEW MASCOT!

Mitt ROMNEY's Dog

Hey. Don't get Mitt Romney MAD at you.

He won't
THROW YOU UNDER THE BUS

He will
PUT YOU ON TOP OF THE CAR!

Play station 2 Die 4

....An angry four-year-old Saudi boy shot and killed his father for refusing to buy him a PlayStation, Saudi media reported on Monday.

The Asharq daily, citing police in the southern Jizan area, said the child, aged four years and seven months, grabbed his father's pistol and shot him in the head.

According to the newspaper, the child had asked his father to buy him a PlayStation and the shooting took place after the man returned home without the desired object.

As he was undressing, the man put the weapon down, which the child then grabbed and fired at him from close range.


Don't let that kid have any ANGRY BIRDS!



..

Hog Shot

A Florida hunter accidentally shot his girlfriend thinking that she was his target -- a wild hog.

Cops said that Brandon man Steven Egan, 52, was hunting from a tent in Flagler County on Saturday when Egan heard a noise that he thought was similar to that of his prey. He took a shot at it, not realizing his significant other wasn't in the tent with him.
The shot sent a .30-caliber rifle bullet through both of 52-year-old Lisa Simmons' legs. Simmons was airlifted to the hospital where she was recovering from surgery on Sunday.
Egan maintained that he fired in the first place because he had seen a real hog just minutes before the accidental shooting, WFTV reported. No charges were filed.

Egan didn't know whether he felt bad that he shot his girlfriend or felt worse because he thought she was a HOG!

At first he claimed he thought he was being attacked by Rosie O'Donnell!

secret service prostitutes

These Secret Service agents involved in the Columbian Sex Scandal should be working on all of our foriegn debt. Do some business in a foriegn land and then say, "What, I owe you money? No! I was drunk!" We could reduce the money we owe other countries in no time. We could really speed it up if we hire that Dominic Strauss Kahn guy! Check this video http://youtu.be/-KerN8zzcTA

Bin Laden Replacement

This guy kinda looks like Bin Laden.  Like a younng Osama!
Good Replacement

Just put some Glasses on him


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

..BRIDGEPORT, Conn. - Police say a five-year-old Connecticut boy brought 50 packets of heroin to school for show and tell, and his stepfather has been arrested.

The father was arrested because that school was really HIP and wanted 60 Bags of HEROIN for Show and Tell.  It was more like a Show and Fall Asleep in your chair class.

Bridgeport police tell the Connecticut Post that 35-year-old Santos Roman went to the Barnum School on Monday to retrieve the drugs and found police waiting for him.

Final Point, NEVER GO TO SCHOOL TO RETRIEVE BAGS OF HEROIN.
  Go for a lunch bag, a school bag but not a HEROIN Bag!

US open Bubba

Is it not appropriate that a guy named Bubba won the US Open Golf tournament at a golf club where they won't accept women.

Camptown Ladies sing dis song Doodah!  Doodah!

Poop Transplant

When death was knocking on the door of a Canadian man, he took drastic measures to save his own life -- with a self-injected fecal transplant.
The poop-injecting patient is a 66-year-old man from Albert Bridge, Nova Scotia, who suffered from a bacterial infection known as Clostridium difficile, or C. difficile, since undergoing routine surgery 18 months ago.

I wanted to do a Fecal Transplant but my Wife told me I was already FULL OF CRAP!

=================
It was an extreme case of sexual frustration.

Inez Nunez, 18, was arrested on Tuesday for allegedly punching her boyfriend in the face because he wouldn't have sex with her.

Ms. Nunez told Police, "The strange thing was most of my boyfriends liked to get punched in the face while having sex with me!"

Tebow Out

Peyton Manning is in Denver talking with John Elway about Peyton replacing Tim Tebow as the number one quarterback in Denver.

I think Tim better get down on BOTH knees.  I think his call to God just got DROPPED.